Shame

Last night I had a really bad dream. For those of you that don't know, I often have crazy dreams.

But this one is different.

I was in this huge building where all the people there were supposed to be doing this scavenger hunt. I did not want to play, so I began to wonder around the building. When I entered this new room, right before me was a huge red dragon. He quickly grabbed me in his strong claws. I fought really hard but could not get away.

Finally, after fighting for a while I got away. Frantically, I tried to run and hide in different rooms. Everywhere I went I could hear him saying in his creepy, husky voice "she isn't going to get away from me." I finally found other people in a room. They began to tell me that I had to confront the dragon before he destroyed me everyone around me.

I did not want to confront the dragon. The people told me I had to figure out the secret to destroying him. As I walked down a dark hallway, the dragon appeared. As he caught me up in his claws I realized the secret to destroying him.

He was shame and grace would destroy him.

I yelled, "shame, I defeat you with grace."

As I woke up, I had a strong sense that the Lord was trying to teach me something.

At the root of all the anxiety, insecurity, and depression I so often struggle with is shame. The dragon trying to destroy me is shame. I need to confront it.

Kill it with God's grace.

Thanksgiving

It is Thanksgiving Eve and the apple pies are baking in the oven while Andy and I watch Sufjan Stevens on t.v. The kids are cozily sleeping in their beds. Truly, how could I ask for more? This has been quite a year for our family, in reflection we have much to be grateful for. First and foremost, we have beautiful, healthy children. Addison is so funny and smart, and as of late I have noticed she has a peacemaking spirit about her. She is amazing. Henry is my little love-bug. He is so sensitive and sweet. His unsolicited kisses never ever grow old, even with a runny nose. He is absolutely adorable. Now we have another baby coming. I am thankful that I can dream about who this baby will be and the distinct personality it will have. Unbelievable. Then there is my ever-understanding husband. I know where my son gets his sweetness and sensitivity from. He is my best friend and I am thankful for him. He even loves me and listens to me in the midst of these crazy, irrational pregnancy moods.

As I sit here, I also think about the beautiful home we have to live in. Andy's job. Our extended family knows and loves the Lord. Our friends.

How could we ask for more?

Happy Thanksgiving!

She's Having a Baby

Addison came up to me today with a baby doll up her shirt, saying she has a baby in her belly. She posed for some preggie pictures and then simply stated, "oh no, the baby is coming! I've got to get to the hospital!" As she walked towards the hospital (or the kitchen) she started saying, "ouch! ouch! ooohhh, push, push. Ouch! Puuuussssshhhh." Then she of course delivered a beautiful baby boy.

Where in the world did she learn this?!

Hair Stylist

While getting ready in the bathroom, I heard the usual sound of Henry yelling, "nooooo." That could only mean one thing: Addison was tormenting him. Before I could look out and see, in walks Henry crying with wet, spiky hair. "Addison, what did you do to him?" "Mommy, I was just trying to do his hair." Why not spit in your brother's hair to make it stand up?

You've got to admit, it does look pretty cute!

Funny

Addison cracks us up on a regular basis. While I have to resist the urge to write down everything she says, sometimes I just can't help myself. So, the other day we had to stop at Walgreens. As we were driving we passed another Walgreens. She said, "why did Jesus make so many medicine stores?"

Yesterday we went to Costco. The radio tower outside of Costco has been a huge source of Addison's curiosity. She just cannot figure out what it is there for and how people can get up in it. When she first saw it yesterday, she shouted, "hey there is the Eiffel tower!"

Bedtime Prayer

The other night was my turn to put Henry to bed. Seeing how difficult he is to actually get to sleep, Andy and I will occasionally take turns, when one of us says, "I just can't take it tonight." Typically, Andy has the job though. On my way up with the little man, Andy says, "I've been praying with him lately." With his diaper changed and jammies on, I say "okay, buddy lets pray now." To my delight, the little guy takes my hands and rests his forehead against my forehead and closes his eyes.

Oh my, he is the most sensitive little guy around. I can't wait to watch him come to know the Lord!

Quote of the night

Tonight while I was at the Zone, Andy and the kids did their usual hangout time. As they were on their way to the library Addison says, "I really love mommy, but daddy you're my favorite." At least she clarified that she loves me too.

Isn't a daddy/ daughter relationship the sweetest thing ever?